The most punk rock thingyou can do is have a good relationship- Ru Paul to Henry Rollins
This is the edited version of a note I sent to a friend the other day. It is the snapshot of the current science on how men react in a relationship
FB screwed up the numbering for some reason.
The last 5 years I have been studying a lot of neuroscience and the science of relationships.Here is a brief snapshot male brain chemistry when a man is in love.His experience is a lot different than what you are experiencing.Knowing what he is going though can help you in your relationship with him. This stuff is basic biology and hard wired into your fiance.
1. When he first saw youhe knew you were hot in 1/2000 th of a sec. This is faster than conscious thought.
2 .When you first kissed him or touched him you transmitted a hormone to him. This hormone islike a key. This hormone activates areas in the brain center. If the hormone key fits then a biochemical chain reaction happens in the brain center. The serotonin and dopamine levels are elevated. He basically has a similar effect to being on drugs. Yes Love is a drug.Then a series of chemical switches comes into play. The two of you are now in a bio chemical feedback loop. You are in reality one. His brain chemistry is now physically altered.
The first thing is his focus is on you totally. No other woman matters ( Yeah). He thinks about you every 3 sec or more. You only think of him every 7-30 min. Every time he thinks of you he gets of shot of serotonin and dopamine and some other hormones. He may act a bit differently kind of like Buggs Bunny in the cartoons.
He will want to protect you from harm. His brain chemistry is now such that he will do any thing to protect you and even risk his life in doing so. He also may be jealous of any other male friends you have that he sees as a threat. ( He may never had experienced this before and it can be confusing.
He will want to give you gifts all the time and provide for you financially. This is hard wired mammal behavior in males.
He will want to build a home for you. Men that had no interest in decorating now like shopping. Again this is hard wired .
He is older so he will bond to you a lot more than a guy in his 20's or 30's. Older men form 40% stronger bonds with their mates due to changed hormone levels. Natures cruel trick is that over 40 women form weaker bonds by 30%.
These chemical changes last about 3 years.
To keep the bond strong and long lasting two key things you must do.
Tell him you love him every day. This is really important. Do things for him every day. Love is a daily action. Friendship is the basis of love. Congratulations your fiance is the best friend you will ever have. IT is the best.
Do anything to be together as much as possible. Take some time off work and spend as much time together as you can. This strengthens the biochemical feedback loop. You are a chemical unit. Very important for the first 2- 3 years
That is the science of love in a nutshell.